sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
