Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
