i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
