Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
im drinking this country out of the recession.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
