SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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