Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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