how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You should frame my arrest warrant.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
