I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
