ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
