I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
