drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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