i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
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