Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
