I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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