If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
