Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
