I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
