he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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