Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
