Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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