Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
