when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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