Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
