Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
