ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
