we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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