My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
