I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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