Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
