Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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