Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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