If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
