PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
