East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
honey bunches of taint.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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