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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
