Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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