"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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