My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
