Dual....:-)
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
