I am in a vortex of obligation.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
