I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize