there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
