bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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