I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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