make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
