Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I will be naked everywhere
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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