i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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