I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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