college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize