next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
