I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
