Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
