Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
