Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
