what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
