i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
