Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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