I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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