We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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