Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
