you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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