So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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