We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
