Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
