I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I faked an abortion last night.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
