I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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