last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
