So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
