so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
