i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
