Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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