my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just gift wrapped bread.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
