I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
