One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize