He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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