i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
