she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
