Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
