NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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