I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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