jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
