i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
